I knew my cube-mate could hear me sniffling over the upholstered wall, but sometimes I was just so frustrated I couldn’t stop the constriction in my throat. And I could keep the tears from rolling down my cheeks.
I was so confused. I had lost my north star. I knew I didn’t want to be where I was anymore. But, I didn’t know where I wanted to go.
This is how I knew I was out of alignment: my circumstances and my integrity and deepest longings were no longer in sync.
Crying at my desk was my clue that I was out of alignment. Here are ten other signals you are out of alignment:
Feel it in your body: You’re tense. You can’t put your finger on exactly what is wrong but something is “off.”
Random acts of (misdirected) anger: You find yourself acting irrationally angry for reasons unrelated to the job or relationship, living or life circumstance that’s really bothering you
Depletion of energy: You’re done. You’re just done.
Preplaying conversations: You’re having fights with people you expect to start with you…even before they’ve said a single thing.
Panic: The anxiety starts mounting, you feel it in your chest, and there’s very little you can do to talk yourself out of it.
Combativeness: You want to reach through the computer and give your colleague…a lesson in email etiquette, yet she’s not really out of line in despite her tone. She’s asking you to do your job but you just really don’t want to do this job anymore.
Internal argumentativeness: You challenge yourself on things you know are for your own good.
General sense of dread: The week starts or a new project comes up and you just can’t get yourself in the spirit
Your weight has increased, yet the number on the scale hans’t budged. You just feel really frickin’ heavy.
You don’t know who you are anymore. You’ve lost yourself. The you you want to be exists in some parallel realm that you can’t figure out how to access. The you you find yourself being right now feels foreign despite the fact that it’s reality at the moment.
Experience any of these tell-tales signs of disconnection from the feeling that “all is as it should be” and check in. Ask yourself what needs to shift in order for you to feel like you can finally exhale and relax into your life. What needs to shift for you to be content and empowered in this moment?
Big shout out to my girl, Jill, for her honesty brainstorm.