It all started with an image of myself walking down the street in the middle of the day.  That was the sort of life I wanted.  I wanted my time to be my own.  I wanted to be the master of my fate.  I wanted to be free.  This was the feeling on which I committed to meditate for the month of March.


Well, it was a busy month.  And the memory of that previous post was all but lost.  However, in the midst of it all, planning the final details of a wedding, teaching intenSati, shopping for a wedding gift for my now-husband, dress fittings, food tastings, flash-mob organizing, and then the business of getting married and going on a honeymoon, I happened into a new meditation.  This month I meditated on presence.  I wanted to fully experience every moment of this amazing time in my life, so I worked on staying conscious and enjoying all of it.


The magical thing was that I it worked.  Of course it worked.  I was awake.  I was alive.  And my wedding and honeymoon didn’t feel like they soared by me in a blur.


The other magical thing was that while I was enjoying life and this amazing, spectacular, everyone-you-ever-loved-in-the-same-room time, I nearly manifested the vision…the dream (which I am no longer calling “the dream” for reasons to be explored)…of walking down the street in the middle of the day.


It’s not because I quit my job.  It’s not because I now live a 32 hour day while the rest of the world still struggles with the same 24 hours they always had.  It’s not because I’ve told everyone else to f*ck off and stop telling me what to do.  It’s because I had a Dorothy Gale-esque shift in perspective.  All these things: the walking in the middle of the day, the freedom, the “personal time,” were there all along.  I just failed to recognize them.  I didn’t have to look any further than my own backyard.


I had previously been choosing to live my life as though I was not in control of my time.  I was choosing to believe that I was not the master of my fate.  That I was stuck.  I was choosing to believe I was not free.  As easily as I chose to believe all these things, I can choose to believe the converse.  Except it’s not easy.  A lot of beliefs like these have been deeply imprinted on our minds.  It will take work and daily practice to believe I am free, I am in control.  But it feels so much better than what I used to believe.


So this month I commit to honesty. I dabbled with this a little bit throughout March.  This month, as Spring approaches – the season of rebirth – I allow my truthiest voice to be heard.  I say what I mean to say.  I speak freely.  I give up strategy.  I say, “When I am me, I am free.”