Blame isn’t only a game. It’s a mental dirty trick. It’s like a sugar high. It gives you a break from the pain, but it’s not sustaining and you end up crashing. You think you’re releasing yourself from culpability. But you’re also releasing yourself of a lot more: your power to improve your situation.
Don’t blame yourself for indulging, though. When you point the finger, it has a number of initial “benefits.”
You have an explanation. You can explain away your discomfort. You don’t have to experience it. You can just slap a convenient conclusion on it and walk away.
You don’t have to look at yourself. It’s that other person’s fault. They are the villain.
You don’t have to take responsibility for changing anything. All you have to do is wait for the guilty party to own up to their mistakes. Then you’ll feel better.
But, like a sugar-high, the benefits of blame are a false energy. They will cause you to crash.
Here are the true costs of blame:
– You put your well-being in someone else’s hands. Blaming someone for your unhappiness gives them power over your happiness. Don’t give it up that easily! Tweet it!
– You abandon the voice of your intuition, which inherently knows what you need in order to feel better. You’re too busy pointing the finger and waiting for an external force (or person) to make you feel better.
– You give away all your power. When you hinge your happiness or peace of mind on someone else’s action or inaction, you are totally “impotent and out of control.” [Movie quote alert! Name that film.] And I know you really hate that.
So take a look at your relationships right now. On whom have you been casting blame? How can you take responsibility for your own peace of mind and happiness?
In the comments below, tell us: What has been the consequence of blame in your life? (And, let me know if you figured out which movie I was referencing.)