Okay, so I have become a student in A Course in Miracles. I never would have thought it. But there I was, listening to Gabrielle Bernstein’s podcast lectures and then, not weeks later, in an East Village monastery (yes, a monastery, with real live monks, right there on First Avenue) listening to a group of amazing and beautiful and strong and supportive women talk about their successes and challenges in the pursuit of happiness. It’s interesting. It’s just…a new way of thinking.
So on Monday, Gabrielle introduced me to the idea that all the things we are attached to are actually blocking up from getting what we want. Here’s why. Around those attachments (like a bigger apartment, for example, or a book deal…or all the other “If only I had ____I will be happy…” things) we make plans. We apply deadlines. And we get into this “DO” mode. And, yes, you do have to always do the next right thing to get to your goal. But, in this mode, we’re all hyped up on the plans and the deadlines, we lose contact with our intuition (what Gabrielle calls our ~ing…or inner guide). And when we lose contact with our intuition, we can miss an opportunity that could take us closer to happiness and the things we want. Closer to those things than the plans we came up with in our frenzied minds.
So, the goal on Monday was to release these attachments. That’s damn scary, let me tell you. I have wanted a book deal for three years. I have gotten so used to wanting it, that I find myself asking: it’s only been three years that I’ve wanted a book deal? This wanting is like a goiter I’ve become used to living with. Feels like it’s been around forever. So, letting go of that attachment to the book deal is scary, but I know I will be okay, I will be happy in my life, even if I never get a book deal. I will. (Do I sound like I am trying to convince myself of that? Okay, yeah, well, still working on it…) Deep down, I am grateful for the things I have and, with that appreciation, I can let go of the things I want, in an effort to hand all of it over to my intuition. (To which I am keenly attune, so I can listen for the next right action.) I’ll be happy in my life if I always live in my cute little studio with S.
So, after Monday, I started to envision a dandelion (the fuzzy kind you blow on when you want to make a wish). My attachments were the little spores that just float on the wind and land where they may. Yesterday, I decided I would search for and print out a picture of the dandelion with those little spores floating on the wind, to pin on my vision board to remind me to let go. So I did.
Last night, I went to Gabrielle’s lecture on Clarity at Organic Avenue on the Lower East Side. (I couldn’t believe myself. I bought kale chips!) I still had the picture of the dandelion tucked in my journal when I showed up at the lecture. I sat down in the third row. I thought a couple times of moving because it was hot, and I felt packed-in. I am glad I didn’t because I never would have seen this: halfway through the lecture, I looked up, and the girl in front of me, had a tattoo on her shoulder of a dandelion letting go of its little spores!
This is what I wrote in my notebook: “HFS (holy f***ing sh*t): Girl with dandelion tattoo in front of me!!!”
When the lecture ended, I stopped her and told the story. (It was equally apropos because the lecture was a continuation of the principles Gabby had touched on, on Monday.) Apparently, the girl and her two sisters all got the tattoo, and each sister made three wishes. They won’t tell each other what the wishes were until all nine come true. She offered to email me the photo that she took to the tattoo artist as inspiration.
To say that it blew my mind…understatement.
I am reminded of a series from intenSati: I let go…I let it be. My mind is open…and I am free.
