When anxiety or worry start pounding at your door, what do you do?
I imagine myself standing with my palms pressed against the door, the weight of my entire body bracing against it as it buckles. It bulges like there’s a wolf on the other side attempting to blow it down.
Amid that onslaught of emotion and my resistance to it, I miss all opportunities to ask for the support I need and then I get resentful when I feel like I am not getting what I want. And all of this only makes the anxiety worse.
Resentment is the biggest c*ckblock when it comes to getting close to other people and allowing them to get close to you. Just like the dopey friend at the bar, it says stupid stuff. It’s kind of nasty and aggressive. And has that greasy facade you think protects you from rejection; the one that says you’re all tough and invulnerable when you’re feeling anything but. For those of us who suffer anxiety, or too-much-worry, carrying resentments is the single thing that’s blocking us from getting the support we want-slash-need-slash-deserve.
Here are a few checks you should do to soften your resentments:
You got some splainin’ to do.
Have you explained your situation? Expecting our sig-o’s to implicitly understand what we’re going through isn’t always fair. Even if we’ve explained it over and over again. Is it frustrating when we don’t immediately get what we need? Can it exacerbate the fear and worry when we feel like our partner may never get it? Yes. And yes. But if you take the time to breathe, then explain (yet again) what you’re coping with, odds are your man will want to be there for you.
Welcome to the jungle.
Are you allowing him to be there for you? Resentment works like the same poles of a magnet. It’s an energetic repulsion. So, how can you neutralize the field around you so that you are open to others’ support. To receive support, you have to be ready for it. Create an environment that’s welcoming to support by softening your heart and mind. Do some meditation and relaxation exercises and tell yourself, “I am ready to receive support and comfort. I offer myself support and comfort.”
Request not resent.
Have you asked for what you need? Are you sensing in a theme here? Asking for what you need is the single best way of taking your power back from the knockdown that’s taking place in your mind. We can’t expect those around us to be mind-readers. When we do, we’re setting ourselves up for even more frustration, prolonged pain and worry. Check in and ask yourself what you really need. And offer those around you a thoughtful request so they can give you what you need and be there for you.
All of these checks are self-nurturing acts, too. So while you’re opening yourself up to the support of others, you’re also giving yourself the support and love and comfort that you need.
I want to know if you found this useful. How have you found yourself blocking your support system? How have you released your resentments? In what ways have the people in your life miraculously showed up to support you? Leave your feedback in the comments below.
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