Love is the order of the month come February. So let’s dive in.
What does the love you want feel like, in your body, in your heart? Get in touch with the sensation. Ooh, Ah, delicious. The moments you take to FEEL your dreams catapult you toward achieving them. Don’t underestimate the POWER of sitting for a minute, breathing, and imagining what it feels like as though it’s happening right now.
Okay, now, let’s talk.
I want to talk to you about three things I did before I met the man who is now my husband. Six years ago, I was just venturing into the conversation around mindfulness. I was just dipping a toe into the ocean of ideas around “what you think about, you bring about.” So, it was only looking back that I realize I made room, mentally, for him to come into my life through a number of practices. Here’s how I translate what I’ve learned:
Lesson number one: Fall in love with yourself!
During my dating years, I was constantly battling my heart’s calling. I simply wasn’t listening to, or accepting, myself when it came to how I spent my time. I criticized myself for not being as fun-loving or carefree as my peers. I hated going to bars. I viewed “going out,” heading to too-loud, too-crowded, over-hyped places with the express purpose of wandering into the peripheral vision of some would-be-interested guy, as a dreaded gauntlet I had to navigate if I was ever going to meet someone. I would do it. Because I thought I had to. But, who wants to hang out with that girl? I needed to do more of what I loved doing. I realized I was curious, adventurous, intellectual…an old soul. And I started to like it! And, when I did things I was enthusiastic about it gave me something exciting to talk about! And I was a happier person. Happy people attract happy people. When I met Seth, I knew what I liked! And when he liked the same things (we talked about This American Life on our first date!) I knew we were connecting!
What do you love about yourself? What do you need to accept? What do you need to change? How can you celebrate who you are and live with more joy? How can you fall in love with YOURSELF?
Lesson number two: Fall in love with your life as it is right now.
When I met the man who is now my husband, I wasn’t looking. Don’t they always say that love will come to you when you stop looking for it? I wasn’t looking because I had, for the previous two years, been filling up my single life with things and people I loved. I didn’t feel like I was incomplete. I already had love. How can you elevate the love you feel to the point where you are completely full? So you’re not dependent on the arrival of another person to fill up a cavernous hole in your heart. Fall in love with your life, everyday. The people, the things you’re doing, your family. Accept, forgive, and release resentments and grudges. Feel freer. Open up space for someone to come in. When you fall in love with your life, when “the one” comes in, he or she will just be the sweet glaze on the cake you’ve already lovingly prepared.
How can you fall deeper in love with your life and all the people who are in it now?
Lesson number three: Let yourself have fun!
Because I’d fallen in love with myself and in love with my life, my dating life was relieved of so much of the pressure we tend to feel when we’re “on the hunt.” Nothing was “missing” from my life, so there was no pressure on anyone I was dating to fill a hole in my heart. I was full-up! And that enabled me, and my date, to simply have a good time. No desperation. No anxiety. Can you just let go and have fun?
I wasn’t consciously going through these steps at the time, but I realized in retrospect that I made room for him to show up. And show up he did. I am blessed to have called in a man who is always there for me, unflaggingly devoted to our happiness, and stands with me as a partner, honoring and supporting my dreams, as I do for his.